hinder communication with our husbands

3 Ways to Hinder Wise Communication With Our Husbands

“A Priceless, Wise Wife”

She is a woman of integrity, emotionally stable and loving

She is an asset to her husband and he is proud of her

She spends their income wisely and works hard

She is industrious and shows good judgment

She is mature, inner-directed, and flexible

She takes time for long-range planning

She thoughtfully cares for her family

She keeps herself well physically

She is lovingly compassionate

She can be safely trusted

She lives realistically

She is full of joy

She is wise

(Developed by Glenda Hotton)

I enjoy reading Proverbs each day of the month. Proverbs exhorts me over and over to seek and use wisdom in my life. It may seem like a small thing, but I find great application of this wisdom in being a wife to my sweetheart. I believe it is a great calling and honor to be a wife. Hence, becoming a wise wife is one means of application and can demonstrate my love for God and my Savior.

It isn’t a surprise to most wives that men communicate differently than women. When we say to him, “Let’s sit on the couch and talk,” he gets really nervous. He needs to know if we have a subject, how long it is going to take, and if he will need to resolve it. Many times we just want to “talk,” but he needs direction.

A good place for this kind of talk is while walking, holding hands and looking forward. This presents a safe, comfortable environment for talking from his perspective.

When he shares something with us (the events of the day, what happened at work, or the meeting, or his game, etc.) we need to encourage him with our complete enthusiastic attention and to show him we are listening with interest. He wants our undivided attention. He doesn’t appreciate it when we are preoccupied with folding clothes, watching TV, talking on the phone, or other distractions while he is trying to share his life with us. He likes eye contact, and please don’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions or give advice while he is talking (unless solicited, of course).

A wise wife will make a plan for communicating more effectively with her husband.

  • She will strive to create an atmosphere comfortable for him to share. (I have found that if I have a different place set for dinner than usual, he sees it and lights up — something different.)
  • She will look for areas of interest that they can share.
  • She will look for other couples who are likeminded, perhaps a couples’ Bible study or inviting a few couples over for dinner, or dessert, or just to visit and play a game or ????
  • She will purposely plan time to be together — most of us are busy and have to purposely set aside time to be alone with our husband.
  • She will speak the truth in love and with grace (careful — we women tend to nag — I’m sure you are not one of these).
  • She will learn to introduce negative subjects tactfully through giving her facts, thoughts, ideas, intuitions, and opinions — notice no feelings.
  • She will be intentional about encouraging and building up her husband to love and good works, affirming him even for the smallest thing:  “Thank you for taking out the trash.”
  • She will thank him for his effort in communicating. She can be the example. It doesn’t hurt to say, “Thank you for sharing” and “Thank you for listening.”

Three words hinder us from communicating wisely with our husbands; they are Complain, Compare, and Compete:

1.  A wise wife will try not to Complain.

“This house is too small.” “We never go anywhere.”  “I don’t have anything to wear.” On and on it can go. A complaining wife is like a dripping faucet.

2.  The second communication breaker is Compare.

Men have to deal daily with their innateness to be the best in a world of competition, and he sure doesn’t need it from his wife. Don’t compare him with your neighbor’s husband, your brother, or any other man about how they provide or the things you see that they do for their wives.

A wise wife will not compare her husband to anything or anybody. She will look for characteristics that she can build up in her own husband. It is handy to create a “good quality list” of your husband. This is a list of character qualities you admire in him or heard another comment about him. Then, at any time, tell him one. “One of the things I admire about you is your loyalty.” (Remember, men need few words.) “I appreciate your working for your family.”

3. Try not to Compete with your husband.

One wife said she didn’t like having to pretend she “Missed that shot,” just to make him feel better; just to feed his “Yes, of course play your best.” The idea is, don’t be the best at the sport that you play together. Interesting, any game or sport my husband has taught me, I am very good at and can give him a good workout. It does seem women become better at a sport they play with their husband.

I was thinking…In my frail, fragile and depraved nature, I need wisdom. Not just wisdom from friends, although that can be good, but real wisdom — God’s wisdom.

Have you noticed that if you ask advice from six friends, you often get six different pieces of advice? God’s Word gives us the same advice each time we ask. I always wonder why I wait so long to go back to it.

How are you doing in communicating wisely with your husband? I would like to hear from you.

Thank you for reading. Enjoy your husband.

The Glory of God changes everything


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