My husband and I have been married for 24 years, and we have never owned a home.
I grew up with two sisters and two brothers. As the second oldest, I could only ever dream of having my own room. Once I turned eighteen, I joined the military. You can imagine what choice I might have in living arrangements there. Pretty much none.
Then, I got married.
Rental after rental, base housing assignment after assignment. Never able to pick the place where we would live. Never able to pick the paint or the layout. Never able to change the carpet or the tile. Never owning a dishwasher that actually cleaned the dishes the first time without prewashing.
Always settling for what someone else thought was good enough or best for us.
And now, we have settled down for good. When we arrived in Utah for my husband to begin pastoring our little church, we decided we didn’t want to rent for long. A year and a half to two years, tops. We wanted to set down roots and stay put. After all, this is our forever home.
So, it’s been over a year. We have three months left on our lease and have begun our home search. And, can you guess what our search has revealed?
Ramblers or two stories? Granite or marble? New build or older home? South facing or eastern exposure?
No.
My sinful heart attitude.
Yes.
You see, I want what I want. In my mind, my whole life I have settled for the home that someone else picked and thought was good enough. It’s my turn to get what I want and what I think I deserve.
But what do I deserve?
I am a sinner (Romans 3:23). Only by God’s grace am I saved from myself (Ephesians 2:4-5).
What have I done to earn something so majestic as a four-bedroom, three-and-a-half-bath rambler with a fenced-in yard and gourmet kitchen?
Nothing! I can’t do anything good on my own (Romans 3:10-12).
When it comes right down to it, every place I have ever laid my head to rest has been given by God’s hand. I didn’t have the home that other people thought I deserved. I had everything God knew I needed (Matthew 6:25-34). And, when I question the adequacy of that provision, I also question God’s love for me, His plan, and His timing.
Shame on me.
God sacrificed His Son when I was His enemy (Romans 5:10). He chose me for salvation when I hated Him. During all that time, He put a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly. And, if I am honest with you and myself, He did all that in great abundance.
I am selfish and ungrateful.
Thank You, Lord, for showing me the sinfulness of my heart, for saving me, and giving me a chance to repent and be thankful for all that I have, no matter what I have.
Even if I have nothing, I have everything (Philippians 1:21).
