In 1983, a unique “recipe” was published in the magazine Good Housekeeping. Credited to “Mrs. A Hutchings Frith, from Bermuda’s Best Recipes, Warwick Cookbook Fund,” this excerpt, reprinted below, shows women…
“How to Cook a Husband”
“A good many husbands are entirely spoiled by mismanagement in cooking, and so are not tender and good. Some women keep them too constantly in hot water; others freeze them; others put them in a stew; others keep them constantly in a pickle.
It cannot be supposed that any husband will be good and tender if managed in this way, but they are truly delicious if properly treated.
Don’t keep him in the kettle by force, as he will stay there himself if proper care is taken; if he should sputter and fizz, don’t be anxious – some husbands do this. Add a little sugar, the variety that confectioners call ‘kisses,’ but on no account add vinegar or pepper.
A little spice improves him, but it must be used with judgment.
Do not try him with something sharp to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently lest he lie too long in the kettle and become flat and tasteless.
If you follow those directions, you will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you and he will keep as long as you want to have him.”
…As wives, we don’t want to cook our husbands; we want to learn to love our husbands!
For Wives, What Is Love in Marriage?
According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, love is action–not abstraction.
- Love is patient with others, gracious to them with generosity.
- Love never envies or brags or is arrogant.
- Love is selfless service to others.
- Love is never rude or overbearing and never wants its own way.
- Love is not irritated or angered in personal offenses.
- Love finds no pleasure in someone else’s sin.
- Love is devoted to truth in everything.
- Love protects, believes, hopes and endures what others reject.
A Phileo Type of Love
The love husbands are commanded toward wives is a type of agape love, a Christ-like love. The love wives are to have is more of a phileo love. Phileo makes dear friends who share in each other’s thoughts, feelings, attitudes, plans and dreams–sharing the most intimate things they could not share with anyone else. Phileo love refers to a warm affection. It is emotional in nature and cannot be commanded. Hence, we wives are to learn to show love to our husbands.
To show love to him means to be his complement, his love gift, his helper–so he can do his work more efficiently and effectively.
We are to become students of our husbands–to watch him and know him and understand what his needs are. A wife is the only one who knows how her husband hurts, loves, and what he needs.
How Can You Love Your Husband?
I’m a very pragmatic woman, and I like application to my learning. So I present eight principles we can apply to helping us show love to our own husbands (these are excerpts from a lengthier teaching on each).
- Be his companion; his friend. Someone he enjoys being with, enjoys talking to, enjoys discussing things with, and someone he enjoys going places with.
- Preserve his dignity. We must never discuss with others anything personal about our husbands to anyone.
- Find ways to affirm and praise him. It is wise for a wife to have a “good quality” list of her husband and kept handy to refer back to when she can’t think of anything good.
- Learn to communicate with him. Men communicate differently than women do. He needs a subject, how long will it take, and will he have to solve it right now.
- Keep the home comfortable for both. We are different. Some become overwhelmed when surroundings are a mess. Some feel too tense when surroundings are too perfect. The home needs to be tidy enough for each person to feel comfortable.
- Attend social events with him. Be friendly and pleasant to be around. Also, be hospitable to his family and friends.
- Meet his needs sexually (Genesis 2:24-25). Ed Wheat in Love Life for Every Married Couple (an excellent resource) states, “God created this one-flesh experience to be the most intense height of physical intimacy and the most profound depth of spiritual oneness between a husband and wife.”
- Be his prayer warrior. This is the most important way a wife can show love to her husband. Colossians 1:9 says to pray he be filled with godly wisdom and knowledge. Ask him each morning, “How can I pray for you today?”
The Fruit of the Spirit is Love…
“I am to love my husband because love is of God, and if I love my husband, I am born of God and know God. And if I don’t love my husband, I do not know God because God is love. And He showed His love to me by sending His only Son into the world. And even when I was not loving, He loved me and sent His Son. I need not fear because God’s perfect love cast out fear, and if I love God I will not be afraid to show love to my husband” (1 John 4:7-21, Summarized).
It is not what kind of man he is, but what kind of woman she is that will determine how she will show love to her husband.
Enjoy, Glenda Hotton
Nahum 1:7 God is good.